I rather the pain in my wrist than in my heart, so unbearable

I shall reply the comments first (:

Graceyeoh; Huh, say that you're nice ah? Huh, must I say? I don't wanna lie leh. Hahah (: It's okay la, don't bother doing it then (:
Steph; Oh now it's a need. Haha (: Yeh okay happiness &&, kopi! :D
Rena; Not any better but trying!
Jin; Hey thanks for commenting. T'care (:
Shirl; Hey girll, I've tagged in your Cbox. (:
Puayleng; We're talking on MSN(I typed MAN just now) now. [:
Steff; Haha yeh okay! Perhaps we'd talk soon or something kay steffysteffsteff! :D Ohmy I kinda miss you though, hate to admit that. You take care there!
Jasminek; I'll pray for you too, honey. You take care of yourself yeh? Smile that genuine one lovely. (:
Jasmine; Hey I'm overworking, seriously! Hahah no time to fool around anymore :(
Shilin; Hey girll, thanks (: You cheer up okay! Dont so sad. Smileeeee [:

Thanks for commenting everyone [:
***

I fell hard on my knees & I started bawling like never before. I know her heart is hers now & I don't know why am I still hanging on. Seeing her nick getting all lovey, I wonder how fast she took to get over someone. Now I wonder if that past 6 months was real, if it was what we both really wanted it to be, if.. what she said was real, her heart was with me all these months. She refuse to talk to me, & I couldn't find the courage to talk to her. I'm dying to know the truth, what is all these about? What's the truth that lies beneath? Not because I don't believe but I don't see the truth, how can I believe? I feel like I'm begging her to talk to me, to tell me what's up with the reason of leaving, what's up with the getting over me. And there's things that I need her to know before.. Before.. :( Sigh.

Guilty, are you?
I'm your motherfucking toy that you throw aside when you're done fucking.


I'm gonna make mummy cry tonight, I'm gonna break her heart tonight. I'm gonna spill the beans to her & tell her the painful, fucking awful truth. I wanna lie to her no more. I find it hard to keep it, I wanna tell her that I'm fucking broken now & I need her. I never felt so needy before, especially to my mom. I'm gonna tell her the truth, I'm gonna tell her. 'Cos I can't take the pain & I need to cry almost all the time. And mom is someone whom I thought would be there 24/7 when I need her. Not my friends, not my cousins, but my mom. I know she's another who will go all out for me, other than those promises. I want to tell mummy tonight so I won't cry alone, so I won't have to search high & low for an inhaler, remembering later on that I do not own one. Mom doesn't know that I'm crying so hard till I need an inhaler. Well, no one knows. But now whoever that reads will know. Ha, asthma is getting worse & I refuse to do anything about it.

'Cos I thought if death draws near, I'd be happier. Then that way, it's easier for me to let go of everything. I'm so sick & tired of everything, if you do not know. Try being me, if you wanna know how it's like.

It's torturing. It's painful. It's so hard to go on. It's easier to be said than done. It's not as easy as you look at it. It feels like years since I last smiled. It feels like I haven't seen Glynis in awhile.

I've been crying since we started talking, right up till now.
There it goes, it simply says, "I do not love you anymore, goodbye."




I hope you're happy.
<3.